It's time to dig in to the heart of couple work and address how you communicate together and regulate conflict. The Hope Project has many resources in this area. It's best to select a few things that are likely to work for you and repeat them often at home together. But if one isn't working for you, then try the next one.

Workbook 04:
Communication & Conflict

Understand Conflict

Your conflict feels like your partner is against you, that you aren't understood, and that you can't really see each other. Dr. Jen explain how unmet, and often unstated need, are usually at the root of conflicts.

From Needs to Conflict

Communication TANGO

The TANGO is our tool to help couples fully communicate their needs, and slow down to listen to each other.

TANGO Resources

Start Difficult Conversation

Sometimes you have to talk about tough stuff. How you start a difficult conversation is highly predictive of how things will go for both of you. Practice starting difficult conversations thoughtfully and with care.

Start Conversation

What do we NEED?

A very useful question to ask in the middle of difficult communication or conflict is "What do we REALLY need here?" Dig under the surface and explore what it is that you and your partner really need.

Our Needs

-05

The Video Intervention

One of the best ways to illuminate your communication patterns is to record yourselves discussing a difficult topic and then watch the video. Every couple who has tried this intervention has walked away with ideas on how to communicate more effectively in the future

The Video Intervention

Feeling Stuck?

These principles help couples who are feeling stuck in a topic. If you have something you can't just agree-to-disagree and need to discuss or make a decision. Time to get UNSTUCK

Get UNSTUCK

-07

Handling Differences

Every couple have differences. In fact one of the things that becomes obvious when a relationship is struggling is how very different you are. This worksheet is designed to help you handle your differences well.

Handling Differences

Speak the Truth in Love

Sometimes the problem is that you have been holding back on telling your partner what is really in your heart. Time to speak the truth, but to communicate it with love.

Truth in Love

-09

Accepting without Anxiety

Differences in needs, values, and preferences can really cause anxiety in a relationship, and that anxiety leads to conflict. This discussion-starter has a few ideas on how you can accept the person your spouse is today without conflict.

Acceptance