Understand your relationship, and it's history, using Bob Sternberg's triangular theory of love which creates 8 different types of relationships.
What are the 8 types of relationships?
Infatuation: Most relationships start out high in passion, but low in intimacy and low in commitment. This infatuation would be characterized by high emotional connection around attraction. You can hardly stop thinking about the person. You can't believe you found him or her!
Liking: The relationship that is high in intimacy, but low in passion and commitment is the "Liking" relationship. Many good relationships have started out this way- first as friends and then develop passion and commitment later. Liking is the makings of most every good rom-com movie!
Empty love: Those that are high commitment, but low in passion and intimacy would be in an empty relationship. This couple is faithful to their commitments but they may have lost their friendship and spark. They would be faithful in their commitments such as raising children together, caring for family members, maintaining their home, and financial resources. Most long-term relationships spend some time in empty love and need to re-ignite the liking and passion.
Romantic love: Although it may appear perfect, this type of relationship involves a couple with passion and friendship, yet they have not made a formal commitment to each other. Some individuals claim to be committed in a relationship, but in reality, they are simply dating exclusively. True commitment entails sharing responsibilities such as a common residence, finances, and family obligations. In many relationships, it is premature to have such commitments, as they are typically reserved for romantic love relationships.
Fatuous love: This relationship is high in passion and commitment, but not much intimacy or friendship. This is an unusual relationship in Western culture. This couple has shared commitments, and they have passion, but they don't engage in friendship-type activities or conversations with each other. Some couples work well with this type of relationship.
Companionate love: This couple is very common in long-term relationships. The couple have a good friendship, and they have shared commitments to each other, but their passion is low. Some couples may want to spark the passion in their relationship to move into the final category below.
Mature love: This couple has it all- passion, intimacy, and shared commitment. Most couples have this as a goal, but not everyone wants this kind of relationship and few couples can stay in this category for the long-term but likely move in and out of this as the relationship ebbs and flows.
Intervention: Map the Triangular History of Your Relationship.
You might find it helpful to map the history of your relationship as a couple. How did you start, and where were you both in key times in your history? This can open up what aspect of your relationship is most important to you at this phase of your relationship. A good curious and supportive conversation about the triangular theory can be eye-opening and helpful to couples who are creating long-term healhthy relationships.
Image credit: The artist behind the image above is L. Ripley, also featured in the book "Hope, Forgiveness, and Positive Psychology in Couple Therapy" by Worthington & Ripley (2024), published by Routledge Publishing.