Validating and Enjoying Who Each of you Are is a Key to a Healthy Relationship
by Dr. Jennifer Ripley
I once had the pleasure of presenting with Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr Cameron Lee at a professional training conference. Dr Lee talked about faith, I talked about hope, and Dr Chapman talked about love languages. We had a lovely dinner together the night before and got to know the Chapmans over a meal in the home of the director of the marriage and family program at Wheaton College. It was a good time.
The 5 love languages has been a cultural phenomenon with a concept that is known by most people, with popular conversations to discuss "What is Your Love Language?"
What is it about this Love Languages concept that is so compelling and so many couples have found helpful in their relationship?
It's very simple to understand. Relationships often feel bewildering and complex. An old men's joke asks "who can understand a woman?" and women often roll their eyes and just say "men!" when they feel confused and bewildered by their spouse or mate.
What that means is that when things are bewildering, it is worthwhile to stop and remember that you and your partner are not the same. You are a couple, but you are not one mind. Your partner has their own needs, priorities, values, and personal struggles.
Your partner's needs can be met by you. You have the unique power and ability to understand your partner's needs, and to meet them as a gift to them. Whether you are giving them time, a thoughtful gift, acts of service, kind words, or a warm hug you have unique power to uplift, surround and empower your partner.
What that means is when your partner, or you both, are discouraged you hold within yourself the ability to turn things around. It's important to value those gifts given to you and not to devalue them or take them for granted.
Positive gifts can overpower the bewilderment of relationships. It can sometimes feel like a small thing- to listen well to your mate, to pick up their favorite drink at the store, to walk over and give that hug when they are on the verge of tears. Healthy relationships are built on the power of those small positive moments giving a gift that your mate needs at that moment.
What that means is that you can be a relationship ninja, doing just the right move at just the right time, if you notice your partner in need, and you think about what He or She would feel loved by at this moment, and then act on it.
Maybe, in the big picture, the five languages is really just a way for us all to remember the deep and important principle:
That we are not the same
That we have the power to help and heal our spouse
That small positive acts can be a light in a dark and lonely world