The Five-Minute Date: Small Moments, Big Connection

Dr. Jen explains the 5-minute date on Loveology.org

It was a Thursday night. I had a full day of sessions, and dinner was a last-minute mix of leftovers and cereal. The kids were loud. The dog was louder. By the time my husband and I sat down together, it felt like the day had already taken everything good out of us.

But instead of discussing the details of bills or the dishwasher, we paused and gave each other five minutes.

That five-minute date saved our evening.

In couple therapy, we often imagine change coming from breakthroughs or big, emotional conversations. And those do matter. But so often, it’s the small habits—the dailyness of connection—that shape whether couples grow closer or drift apart.

What Is a Five-Minute Date?

It’s exactly what it sounds like: five intentional minutes of warm, affirming, emotionally present conversation with your partner. It’s a check-in that’s not about solving problems or managing the household. It’s about tuning in—really tuning in—to each other.

And it is my favorite intervention to see real changes in couples lives who engage this multiple times a week.

You each take turns answering three simple questions:

1. What are highs & lows for you today?

2. How are you feelig about life today?

3. Is there any encouragement or help I can give you today?

   
   

It’s okay if it’s awkward at first. Or if you’re tired. Or if one of you gets emotional. That’s all part of the process. What matters is the showing up.

Why It Works

This tiny practice helps create what psychologists call a safe emotional bond. It signals to your partner: I see you. I care about you. I want to stay connected—even when life gets busy.

It’s a HOPE intervention at its most basic: short, intentional, and full of potential.

My Challenge to You

Try it tonight. You don’t need candles or background music (though those can be nice!). Just five minutes. Phones away. Eyes up.

If it feels good, try it again tomorrow. And the next day.

Like so many things in marriage, connection grows not in grand declarations, but in small, sacred choices repeated over time.

You can download a free worksheet here to guide you: [Five-Minute Date Worksheet]

Let this be your new morning or evening rhythm.

Five minutes.

One heartbeat.

A reminder that you’re still in this together.

The 5 minute date.

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