Thanksgiving Together: Dates & Gratitude For Your Mate

by Jen Ripley, Ph.D. Director of The Hope Project

Thanksgiving offers us a moment, not just of turkey and tablecloths, but of genuine pause. A chance to remember the good of the year, the close of another season together, and the one person who has walked through it beside us. This year, I invite you and your partner to do more than reflect: I invite you to connect. To share gratitude, to affirm, and to refresh your bond in just five minutes a day.

Why five minutes matters

You don’t need a grand gesture. As I’ve written before, the five-minute date, just five intentional minutes of presence and warmth, can build connection in ways we often underestimate.

Life doesn’t wait for the perfect moment; it comes in the margins. And gratitude? It’s not just a nice idea. Research shows that couples who practice gratitude together feel closer, more understood, and more supported. Intelligent Change+1

So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, let’s make a small but powerful habit this week: each day, carve out five minutes with your partner, no distractions, no agenda but appreciation.

How to do your daily five-minute date

1. Choose your time. Maybe right after dinner. Or right before you turn off your devices at night. Keep it consistent.

2. Sit facing each other. No phones, no screens, no hurry.

3. Take turns. You might use two or three simple questions like:

• “What’s one thing I did today that you appreciated?”

• “What’s one way I can encourage you tomorrow?”

• “What’s something you’re grateful for about our marriage right now?”

• 4. Listen deeply. One speaks, the other listens. Then switch.

• 5. Close together. Maybe a brief “thank you” to each other, a hug, a prayer of thanksgiving, or a shared cup of tea.

  
  

Why this matters at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving can stir many emotions—gratitude, yes, but also fatigue, regret, or tension. By committing to this five-minute ritual, you’re saying: “You matter. Our connection matters. I’m here for us.”In this season of thanks, you’re building relational momentum. You’re affirming your bond, not just for a moment, but for the days ahead.

Gratitude that builds intimacy

When you practice gratitude together, you train your hearts and minds to notice the good. A study of married couples found that writing or sharing what you appreciate increased perceptions of support, intimacy, and satisfaction. Intelligent ChangeAnd it doesn’t need to be elaborate. Genuine, simple expressions are often the most powerful: “Thank you for how you helped with dinner.” “Thank you for listening today when I felt overwhelmed.” “Thank you for staying faithful to us.”

A gentle challenge for this week

• Establish your five-minute date time. Press pause together.

• Use three or four questions that help you notice and name gratitude for each other.

• At your Thanksgiving table, share one sentence of thanks for your spouse. Then bring that thanks into your ritual each evening.

• Let this become a habit—not perfect, just present.

  
  

Final thoughts

This Thanksgiving, let your marriage be a place of refuge, a space of connection, a place where two people do the small thing of being present to each other, and in so doing, deepen the love that brought you together.

In five minutes a day, you are saying to each other: “I see you. I value you. I’m grateful we get to share this journey.”

May your holiday be filled with warmth, positive memories, and simple habits that foster deep connections. With hope and heart from Dr Ripley and the entire Hope Couples Team.